Well hello again dear bloggie!
It's been ages since my last entry.
How long has it been? 6 and a half years?
Life has been a coaster ride for the past years.
It was definitely one hell of a ride. Though i wish it could actually feel like one.
The adrenaline rush and the joy gushing in through you after the ride stops.
Yeah, that.
But I guess there are some things we can't control or foresee in life.
Life works in a funny way where you're challenged in so many ways.
In ways and time you least expect it to hit you.
So when life hits, there are 2 ways.
Either you put your head down and stay down or hold your head up high and stand the hell back up.
Have you ever see where you'll be in the future?
Where you'll plan from this to that, and execute it?
I have.
And my biggest mistake or rather, regret, was to not have a backup plan.
See the thing is, I once thought that this was it, life's made, and put my all into it.
Throwing all my eggs into the same basket and not leaving some for myself.
Same goes to my trust and faith.
That one time I decided to put it all in without sparing some for myself, it screwed me upside down inside out.
I should've known better.
Nobody else is to be blame but myself.
There were warning signs, subtle, obvious ones too, but this coconut head of mine choose to ignore them and told myself, it's okay, it's alright, it'll pass, it'll be better.
Who am I fooling?
Clearly myself.
Ego plays a huge part in this too.
Where you try so hard to make something work so badly, believing that it will, but deep down inside, you know, you know very well that one day it's gonna blow.
When it blew, you're literally in a state where you don't even know how to react.
Feeling like you're numb and dumbfounded.
"I got this", I thought to myself.
Little did I know, it was a cut so deep, the blood took a while to flow out of it.
The kind of cut that you thought was minor, turns out to be something a simple plaster couldn't fix.
It was all dark and gloomy for a bit, was lost, the mind was constantly disturbed, unable to focus yet you have to put this front where everything is ok, but it shows, people around you see it unknowingly.
Then I gave myself a tight slap in the face and said, get your ass back up and stop weeping, stop feeling sorry for yourself and I got out of it.
I finally did.
So I thought...
I was happy, I was smiling, I was laughing again, I started enjoying life once more, until it came crashing down.
Little did I know, all of that, all that so called happiness, positivism, it was all but a defense mechanism.
It was something called, denial.
Never have I thought anybody could damage me so badly.
Ripped me bits by bits.
Living the life of somebody else's but mine.
Over the years...
I lost a sense of self.
I wasn't who I once were.
That originality, stolen, locked up, molded into something else.
As hard as this lesson could be, in this I learn, that nothing can break you if you put your mind into it.
Break that barrier, pull yourself together.
Self pity? Save it.
The last thing we need from ourselves is self pity.
Life is not all sunshine and rainbows, heck, you need some thunderstorms here and there too.
It's called balance :]
