Everything feels and look pretty much the same.
Well, in exactly 5 months 9 days, it's gonna be my 10th year residing here, on this little red dot ⛳, they call it.
As much as I've mentioned how things were pretty much the same since new year, that's definitely 👆 one thing that changed a whole lot.
From how a reserved timid 17 year old teenage girl eagerly left home, looking for an adventure outside of her comfort zone, breathing air in new places before fate found her one to set her foot on. I somehow cornered and forced my ownself into "adulting" because of my decision.
Rash decision? Probably.
But you live and you learn ey ✌
I remembered how excited and scared I was knowing a new adventure awaits. It was mixed feelings, churning in me.
How I was awed looking, admiring all those tall beautiful sleek buildings, like something out of the movie.
Stayed in KL close to 3 months prior to that, but Singapore is on another level.
A girl, from a simple small town, ventured out, and it was indeed an eye opener.
Where I was from, based on my memory growing up til 2010, things were simple then.
You don't need no google maps or gps to bring you around. You memorize the roads, from main roads, to small little roads, well versed in every single corner, all at the tip of your fingers.
No doubt home is bigger than Singapore, but it was not as developed. Hence, lesser buildings, lesser malls, lesser confusions.
But KK has been improving especially the past 2 years. Which kinda saddens me, because the old roads I used to know were either no longer there, or they've changed the route, widen it, or added overpass. Never thought I'll see the day KK actually has an overpass. Now they've got couple of it, and the last I went back, 2 were under constructions, on their way up.
How time pass.
How things change.
For the better, or for the worse.
Time waits for nobody.
The next thing you know, it's tomorrow.
The next you blink, it's another 10 years.
I question myself at times.
Where do I go from here.
The thing about the mind,
is that;
it never stops wondering; where, when, how, why, what.
it never stops wandering; into that tunnel that leads to multiple sections, never ending crossroads.
The mind triggers memories, both good and bad.
One setback though, we tend to remember more of the bad.
You can't help but to. Human nature.
Also, when the bad supersedes the good.
As much as you try not to bring negativity into the space, it's filled with it.
When you thought you are able to control your emotions, hide them, ignore them, suppress them;
it's just a matter of time.
Again, time, plays a big part in this.
How much capacity does the heart and mind have,
How long of a time does the heart and mind able to bear,
What will break both the heart and mind, before they're awaken and finally erupt.
When you're constantly in that cloud you thought was cloud 9,
turns out to be fog or haze that's been blinding your sight, clouding your might.
Is this how much feelings/emotions can play with your heart and mind?
How it changes your sight, and judgement.
I wonder how, why.
We are in control of our own emotions, we are in control of our own judgments.
But when you let somebody control them for you, put strings on you and puppet you around, who is to be blamed, but yours truly.
Choice is yours. Choices are yours.
One thing others wouldn't understand, is how sometimes, certain people are gifted.
Gifted with words.
Gifted with alluring you into believing.
Gifted with alluring you into believing.
Gifted into making you stay.
Gifted into making you hold on to something that's eating you inside, yet you don't show it on the outside.
A gift with a curse.
You don't believe in quitting.
But when love changes to something else, how does that justify said situation.
Nobody knows what happens behind closed doors.
Nobody is able to feel what you felt.
And you can go to nobody, because you're lost, confused, tongue tied.
When you dug yourself a hole so deep, you forgot to leave an exit for yourself just in case.
Now you're struggling to get yourself out of it.
How all of these made you change your perception on things.
There are times where i wish, I could turn back the clock, back to when I was that happy-go-lucky carefree 5 year old child and stay that way. Never grow up.
Guess that only exist in fairy tales like Peter Pan.
Oh wells 2020, bring it bruh. Come what may :]
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